A Myriad of Emotion

This is my favorite chapter from my finished manuscript Snow Falls

In contrast to the speed of his usual days working at the Mountain, the time crawled by slowly. Normally Jerry would check the time at only three specific spots in a lesson to insure that the class was running on time. First, he would glance at his watch on the teaching shelf, where all beginner classes start with exercises in riding the board with one foot out. These early maneuvers are critical for the students to have at least a modicum of success in riding the chairlift and getting off while still standing. Next, he would check about half way down the beginner run, having completed the toe-side exercises which teach the students how to control their boards while facing up hill. Finally, after the heel-side where students faced down hill he would check at the end of the run, to determine how much time he had to wrap up the class before his next lesson. On this day however, he checked his watch much more frequently and each minute seemed to hold an eternity. Time all but stopped, halted by his anticipation of seeing Lonai. She had agreed to meet him after work so they could hit the slopes together. After the week he had spent in prayer about their relationship and the preparations he’d made that morning, he hoped it would turn out to be one of the most memorable days of their lives. After finishing his last class, he made his way to the locker room quickly as he could while still looking sane. There he frantically filled out his time card and put his board on a rack, he would simply grab it again when he came up with Lonai. As soon as he make it out the door, he was in route to his truck, slipping and nearly falling twice on the ice covered road down to the parking lot. Once at his truck he exchanged his work jacket for his riding jacket and grabbed his gray backpack from the passenger seat. The bag was overstuffed and leaving the truck Jerry looked as though he might walk directly into the wilderness intending to live off the land for some time. Instead he picked a visible spot near the lot entrance to wait for Lonai to show up which should be at any minute.

After ten minutes, Jerry began once again to frequently check his watch, after fifteen he set the bag on the ground and sat on it, and after twenty five, he started to become concerned, because unlike himself, Lonai was rarely late. Finally after another five minutes, he spotted her metallic-blue bronco making the turn into the lot, and leaped to his feet like he suddenly realized he had been sitting on tacks. When she noticed his hand waving she pulled over near him. He constrained an all out run to a casual gait. “Hi,” he said with a wide smile, leaning in the passenger window. She tried but failed to return the smile, instead she conveyed a look of distress. Both her look, and the fact that she was in jeans rather than ski pants hit him at the same time.

“You’re not dressed, what’s up?” he asked, concern erasing his smile.

“My grandparents are up and I can’t ski.” She spoke quickly as she always did when upset.

“Do you have to go now?” he asked, feeling the day and his carefully crafted plans slipping away.

“No, I have about an hour, but not enough time to ride.”

“Do you want to go to Ball Flat?” Jerry said, thinking quickly. So much for the view off Conquest.

“Okay.” Her expression softened just slightly. It was the place were Lonai or Jerry would go to spend time quietly with God, long before they began dating. It struck them as special that they shared the same God spot, as they called it, before they even met each other. And with the way she was feeling to Lonai it seemed the perfect place to go. Jerry quickly jumped in the passenger seat and pointed toward the back of the parking lot where the rest of the employees parked.

“You can park by my truck and I’ll drive.” This could still work. Loading into his truck he opened her door first then opening his door he tossed the bag in the back seat and climbed in. They sat quietly for a few moments as he started the truck and carefully negotiated the tightly spaced cars. Once on the highway, he looked at her out of his peripheral vision until he caught her eye and then asked, “So what’s going on with your grandparents?” She took a deep breath and began talking quickly again. She explaining the high standard they expected, the fact that they were paying for her schooling, the pressure she felt to pull perfect grades and her fear of disappointing them. Jerry just let her talk, nodding at what seemed like appropriate times, knowing that getting all of the frustration out was the bulk of the solution to her problem. Everyone needs to vent. Coming to the end of her out pour, her words began to slow but intensify and she finally finished with, “They make me so stressed out!” Jerry let the sting in her words settle for a moment before speaking.

“Parents, or grandparents can be hard sometimes,” he soothed. “Mine are a huge pain in the butt,” he added with feigned exasperation. Lonai let out a choked laugh. Hearing it he took a quick glance at her and realized she was crying, something he had never seen before. Quickly he changed his approach, cupping his right hand under her cheek and wiping a tear away with his thumb. “Hey, you don’t have to go through this alone you know,” he said, as he tried to look at both her and the road simultaneously. She locked eyes with him, questioning and he continued. “You have me. That’s what we’re supposed to do, carry each other’s burdens.” Her stomach fluttered and her heart leaped with renewed strength. She smiled, her face still red and she dried her tears with a quick brush of her sweatshirt sleeve across her face. Then she loosened her seatbelt, scooting closer to him, looping her arm though his and resting her head on his shoulder, not feeling a need to say anything else. And that was all the thanks he needed.

A moment later they reached Ball Flat Road and Jerry made a smooth right turn not wanting to jar her, but as the uneven dirt jostled the truck they were forced to give each other a little space. Approaching the first bend in the road, Jerry splayed his daredevil smile as he slammed the shifter into second, punching the gas, and letting the clutch out quickly, the rear wheels broke loose from the road causing the truck to skid in a perfect arc. Lonai let out a squeal of manufactured terror and she fiercely clenched his arm. They peeled around turn after turn until the truck climbed a slight rise, then leveled atop Ball Flat where Jerry applied the breaks and parked the truck. They looked at each other both a little breathless, and Lonai smiled, without a trace of her earlier distress. He held her gaze for a moment then fished his bag out of the back, “Come on.” Both of them hopped out of the truck, he ran around the front to meet her, grabbing her hand and practically dragging her to the edge of the plateau. Jerry flopped his bag on the ground at his feet, standing behind Lonai both of them looking out, he took her in his arms and held her tight. A cold but gentle breeze rustled the small pine trees near by and lazy clouds drifted across the sky casting floating shadows on the sand far below them. The minutes passed easily as she snuggled back into him and they breathed in rhythm.

Reluctantly he finally released her and crouched down to his bag. “Here I have something.” He pulled out a blanket and spread it over the ground just where the top of the flat began sloping downward. He sat down first, putting his bag between his legs, then she joined him sitting very close, with their hips touching and her arm looped through his again. He pulled another blanket from the bag and refusing to untangle their arms, with some awkward effort they draped the blanket across their shoulders. They laughed at themselves, then Jerry pulled out his small bible. “I wanted to share with you some scriptures that over the last few years God has pressed on my heart about what love is.”

He read her a handful of familiar passages making small comments here and there, and she gripped him tightly, resting her head on his shoulder as she listened intently. When finished, he tightened his grip on her arm as well. “I have one more thing,” he said and reaching into his bag, pulled out a dinner roll sealed in a sandwich bag and a small bottle of grape juice. “I want to take communion with you,” he explained.

“Okay,” she answered with a mixture of surprise and excitement. Tearing a small piece of the bread, he handed it to her, and then he tore one for himself. With their foreheads pressed together Jerry lead her in a whispered prayer that thanked God for the gifts in their lives, then touching on his aspirations for their relationship, finally thanking Christ for the sacrifice that no other man could make and asking Him to blot our their short comings. As he prayed Lonai stole a glance at his solemn face amazed by the priority he placed on his relationship with Christ. She couldn’t believe a man with such a deep love for God could be interested in her. When his prayer ended they both ate the bread. Jerry chewed quickly and after the bread had dried out his mouth, he swallowed hard. Then he picked up the bottle of grape juice and prayed again, this time she simply smiled while keeping her eyes shut. When finished, he cracked the seal, pulled off the lid and handed her the bottle. She took a measured sip then handed it back and he did likewise. He replaced the cap, and set the juice and roll in his bag. They didn’t speak for a long while. Sitting quietly, they felt as if their spirits mingled and knew that their relationship had deepened. He felt her shudder suddenly and he loosed his arm, draping it around her shoulder, trying to ward off the cold. Instinctively she turned toward him and he wrapped her in both arms pulling her in tight. She squeezed him too, drawing his warmth into her and willing the sensation to last forever.

After all the waiting and more than a week of praying for God’s perfect timing on this step in their relationship the moment had finally arrived. He whispered, his breath warm against her earlobe, and asked, “May I kiss you?” Prior to her relationship with Jerry, she had only dated one other boy, but it was different. Though it had ended only a few months ago, it was a high school relationship, that of a child. In the few weeks they were together, he had not captured her heart and thus failed to earn her kiss. Her whole world had changed since then. She had graduated early, moved out on her own, and currently worked full time while attending college full time. She had become a woman and she was now dating a man, nearly seven years older than her. Deep inside she knew that this was different, real on a level that she honestly never thought possible. Her heart both leapt and sank with a mixture of excitement at the opportunity to put action to the emotions trapped within her and terror over her complete inexperience at kissing. She drew back and looked him full in the face. As he saw her expression of surprise mingled with just a touch of fear, his mind began to race. I was wrong. This isn’t the moment. She’s not ready. What’s wrong? His face displayed the question and she saw it plainly. Drawing off the safety of their relationship she bolstered her answer, with an almost inaudible whisper, “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

He smiled at her innocence, which he believed to be one of her most endearing qualities. Dismissing her contrived dilemma, he nonchalantly said, “I’ll teach you.” But his smooth exterior acted contrary to the rest of his body. His chest constricted and his stomach flopped at the gravity of the situation. In that moment the faces of two previous girlfriends flashed in his mind and he wished that he could take back all the kisses he had given away so they could be given to her instead. He put his hand to her face and with his touch her apprehensions subsided, closing her eyes in anticipation. He leaned in and their lips touched ever so gently, like two feathers brushing against one another as they glide smoothly toward the earth. The second carried more passion but the same soft feel, and with it her clenched jaw loosened. Their mouths opened slightly and when their tongues met, time stood still. The wind tussled their hair just slightly and yet it felt like a whirlwind, driven by their untamed, emotions. Lonai reveled in the coarse yet tender hand on her cheek, the tickle of his mustache, and the tugging affection of his strong arms. For Jerry, all the kisses of the past collapsed under the power, passion, and purity of this one. Everything seemed new and they both refused to bring a close to their first kiss.

Later, as Lonai walked up the drive of her grandparent’s house, her feet seemed to float just above the gravel path. Stepping through the door, she felt a previously elusive boldness. Even though Jerry wasn’t with her, she could almost feel his presence, just a touch of the strength that came from them being together. In her heart she understood the fact that her grandparents only wanted the best thing for her, and she loved them for that. But she also knew that no amount of pressure they might put on her could possibly ruin what had become the perfect day.